Let us begin where most years do... January!
January
- Miss Piggy pens her tome The Diva Code: Miss Piggy on Life, Love, and the 10,000 Idiotic Things
MenFrogs Do with help from Jim Lewis. In an unrelated story, Kermit lets out a sigh of relief after Piggy stops at 42 idiotic things.
- Miss Piggy makes the rounds promoting her book and provides her special brand of self-help to the ladies of Today and The View (lord knows those women could use the help...).
- Statler and Waldorf make an impromptu appearance on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon to heckle Jason Segel. Segel has said nothing about writing the new Muppet movie since then. More proof that Fozzie Bear is more perseverant than Jason Segel. (Because everyone keeps track of that.)
- The first issue of Roger Langridge's The Muppet Show Comic Book is released, telling the story of a homesick Kermit. If he's so homesick, maybe he should get out of the comic book and back on the TV! ...On second thought, just do both, please. The comics are most excellent--keep 'em coming!
- The new Muppet movie is released to rave reviews.
- April fools!
- Kermit Culture, a book of analytical essays about the Muppets (on the same "...Huh?" level as mixing the Three Stooges with Schindler's List) is released and gives college students everywhere essays to plagiarize for years to come.
- Muppet Robin Hood, the first Muppet fairy tale adaption in a comic book, is released. Everywhere, Muppet fans squint really hard to see if Armand Villavert, Jr.'s drawings will look more like Gonzo.
- Fozzie Bear makes an unannounced appearance on The Late Late Show to give Dennis Leary some tips on telling jokes and Craig Ferguson has a funny accent. That last part isn't Muppet related... but it's still true.
- Beaker's "Ode to Joy" video on YouTube wins the People's Voice Webby Award. Beaker appears to give a speech with hilarious results. Kermit declines to use Dr. Honeydew's electronic notecards if he ever wins the Oscar.
- eFX Inc. acquires the rights to produce authentic Muppet Photo Puppet Replicas announcing that Rizzo will be the first poser made. Pepe loses fifty dollars in an unrelated bet with Rizzo.
- Beauregard makes a triumphant return in a Muppets.com video with Bobo the Bear about working out. When the director called out "Beau! BEAU!" both of their heads turned. (And I just fired my joke writer.)
- Miss Piggy takes over the fashion world once again, appearing at Macy's Glamorama in Chicago. The hog even rides a hog and does not scuff up her heels.
- The Muppet Mindset blog launches with a review of Jim Henson's Doodle Dreams. (C'mon... I had to!)
- Starting off what would become one of the most influential months in Muppet history, Kermit and Miss Piggy appear on America's Got Talent to perform "Don't Go Breaking My Heart." Unfortunately, Kermit was not performed by Steve Whitmire and broke the hearts of Muppet fans all over the world.
- The D23 Expo kicks off in Anaheim, California and the Muppets--all of them--make an incredible entrance atop a riverboat. Along with then Walt Disney Studios chairman Dick Cook, they officially announce the next Muppet movie: The Cheapest Muppet Movie Ever Made! They do not sing "Proud Mary."
- Later in the D23 Expo, tons of announcements flood into the Muppet world. Including...
- The Muppet Cooking Show with TV chef Cat Cora
- A Halloween special to be released fall 2010
- More viral videos to hit YouTube in 2010
- An update of Muppet*Vision 3D to Disney Digital 3D
- A huge expansion of the Muppet Whatnot Workshops
- "Muppets: Revisited," an album of Muppet songs covered by popular artists
- A new book written by Statler and Waldorf
- Muppet iPhone applications to be released in 2010
- The Muppet Show Season 4 and Studio DC: Almost Live! to be released on DVD in 2010
- Fozzie, Gonzo, and Pepe appeared live and in the fuzz to sing "Bippidi, Boppidi, Boo" and participate in a meet and greet with expo guests. Thankfully, no one pulled Pepe off of Bill's hand and ran away.
- A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa is released on DVD. Christmas comes early to Muppet fans willing to fork over $20 for a wonderful special and lackluster special features.
- The Muppets star in Disney Parks "Give a Day. Get a Disney Day." promotions. They are featured in numerous commercials with random celebrities and appear in gorgeous print ads.
- Kermit and Miss Piggy appear with Disney CEO Bob Iger to kick off the promotion. Kermit is performed by Steve Whitmire once again and all is right with the Muppet world once again.
- Gonzo and Animal appear on Dancing With the Stars to provide some entertainment and humor to the otherwise bland and annoying performance of Aaron Carter with backing by The Muppet Show theme song.
- The Muppets receive their own section of the Disney's "Haunted Holidays" webpage, which features new videos starring the Muppet monsters. I would say no one was harmed... but a lot of people got eaten.
- Muppet Halloween costumes hit the shelves and scare the pants off of everyone everywhere--for the wrong reasons.
- New Muppet viral videos debut, starring Bunsen and Beaker and The Swedish Chef. No word on how long Kermit was in hiding after Miss Piggy found out she wasn't starring in the videos.
- Miss Piggy (and her lifeless head) appear on Dancing With the Stars. Aaron Carter once again dances to The Muppet Show theme song and Muppet fans once again sigh.
- Some hacker accessed Kermit's computer files and uploaded a video conference featuring The Muppets rendition of the Queen classic rock ballad "Bohemian Rhapsody" to YouTube. And aren't we all SO glad they did? Almost every Muppet ever (sort of) appears in this video to pay tribute to Queen and show the world that they are still a force of enormous power in the entertainment industry. The video currently has over 11 million views in a little over a month. Kermit should upload video conferences more often.
- The soundtrack for A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa is released on Amazon and iTunes for $2.99. Christmas wishes really do come true! (I'm talking about Bohemian Rhapsody, of course.)
- The Muppets Studio launches their official Facebook, Twitter, and YouTube accounts. Millions of Muppet fans feel odd by "Becoming a fan" and "following" the Muppets.
- Kermit and Disney star Tiffany Thornton performed "I Believe" in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade and released a single of the song on Amazon and iTunes with a music video appearing on Disney Channel. Muppet fans everywhere shout a chorus of "Who the heck is Tiffany Thornton?" and then shrug it off when the song and music video is good.
- Dr. Teeth and The Electric Mayhem (including Lips) make their first TV gig in years. Unfortunately, it only airs on New York area local channels. Fortunately, Kermit, Miss Piggy, Fozzie, Gonzo, Rizzo, and Pepe appear everywhere else. I think Lips is on the government television ban list everywhere but New York. It would explain a lot...
- The Muppets performed "Jingle Bells" with Andrea Bocelli numerous times this month. It never got any funnier, though.
- People Magazine awards The Muppets "Comeback of the Year." As if this time line wasn't enough proof of that... Sheesh!
- A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa airs on NBC three different times throughout December. Why would you buy the DVD if it's on that much? ...I completely condone the purchasing of this DVD and do not support not buying it.
- Kermit appears on the USPS postmark throughout the month of December; appearing on nearly every Christmas card sent out in the U.S. The Liberty Bell takes second billing for once.
- The Muppets "Bohemian Rhapsody" is released as a single on Amazon.com and iTunes. It reaches #32 on the charts in the UK. I demand a recount in the U.S.!
- The Swedish Chef, Animal, and Beaker debut a brand new viral video: "Ringing of the Bells." They perform (and destroy) the classic Christmas carol "Carol of the Bells." The Liberty Bell is used to nearly kill Beaker. Revenge against Kermit's postmark? I think so.
- The first Muppet iPhone application, "The Muppets: Animal Drummer" is released and it's completely awesome. I still can't beat "Blues for Bunny"!
- The Muppets (eleven of them!) appeared on Late Night With Jimmy Fallon to perform "The Twelve Days of Christmas" with Jimmy. Robin and Jimmy became BFFs.
- The Muppte Movie is announced as a brand new induction to the Library of Congress. Ah, a bear in his natural habitat... a Studebaker in the Library of Congress.
Check back on Saturday for The Year in Sesame Street!
The Muppet Mindset by Ryan Dosier